Student addresses officials on definition of inappropriate display of affection

Student addresses officials on definition
of inappropriate display of affection

200 students sign petition asking for clarification

By Melissa Fales
Reporter

WARE – Sophomore student Karoline Delisle and her parents, David and Janine Bertrand, met with Ware Junior Senior High Principal Marlene DiLeo and the Policy Subcommittee of the Ware School Committee Oct. 12. Delisle was invited to the subcommittee’s meeting after she presented a petition to the School Committee signed by 200 students asking for clarification on the district’s policy regarding “inappropriate displays of affection.”
Delisle said she and her boyfriend had been reprimanded at school several times for holding hands and hugging, but couldn’t find any definitions of “inappropriate displays of affection” in the handbook. “It should be in there,” said Delisle. “You’re expecting us to follow something that’s not in there.”
DiLeo said when the topic had been discussed at a faculty meeting, staff said they found it difficult to determine what sorts of student displays of affection were appropriate and which weren’t. “It’s very hard to draw that line,” DiLeo said. She said that no students have received detentions or been suspended for inappropriate displays of affection, but they have been asked to abstain from that type of behavior. She suggested that instead of trying to pinpoint what types of affectionate touching such as hand holding and hugging are allowed, it might be easier to not allow any. “Then there aren’t any issues,” she said. “In elementary school and middle school, students are taught to keep your hands to yourself.”
DiLeo said her job was to prepare students for their future. “I’m trying to teach students about being successful in the workplace or in institutions of higher education,” she said. “It comes down to what goes on in the real world. Can you be successful with that type of behavior in the workplace?”
According to DiLeo, several parents have come forward to say their children are relieved that the school is trying to curtail this type of behavior because it makes them uncomfortable. “There’s a silent voice here that doesn’t get heard,” DiLeo said. “Some kids are afraid to say they don’t like it because it’s not cool to speak out against it.” DiLeo said one parent told her that their daughter admitted that she signed Delisle’s petition because her friend asked her to. DiLeo also said she recently learned that last year, some students put up signs on their lockers saying they were against inappropriate display of affection. She said that the school’s small hallways make it difficult for students to pass when students are holding hands and some students have trouble getting to their lockers when others are hugging in between classes.
Another concern for DiLeo is that those students who don’t have somebody to hold hands with might feel excluded. She also mentioned the complex issues that could arise when a young couple breaks up and one of them starts dating another and is then seen holding hands and hugging that person.
DiLeo also said she was concerned about the wide range of age groups of students in the school and the ramifications of that. “We have some students that are 19 and some freshmen that are 14,”she said, adding that she wondered whether allowing this type of affectionate behavior would put the school in an awkward situation should something inappropriate happen between those students outside of school. DiLeo also stated that whether or not teens are allowed to be affectionate with each other should be a parental decision. “To me, that’s a family thing,” she said. “As a parent, I want to be able to have that control.”
David Bertrand said he thought whatever the school’s policy was on the issue that it should be clearly spelled out in the handbook, adding that even adults often need to refer to their workplace handbooks for guidance on their behavior.
Subcommittee member Aaron Sawabi said he had done some research to see how other schools handle the issue of PDA (public display of affection) and found a mix of approaches. “Nobody really knows how to address this,” he said. He asked Delisle to put herself in the shoes of someone who was uncomfortable with PDA and how she would feel if she still had to face it every day at school. Sawabi also noted that the purpose of being in school is to learn and asked Delisle if she thought she would get less of an education if she was not allowed to hold hands with her boyfriend. Delisle admitted that not being able to hold hands with her boyfriend would not affect her ability to do her schoolwork.
Subcommittee member Danielle Souza said she thought it was important to take the feelings of all students and even staff into account. She suggested a survey of the student body to determine their opinions, similar to the student survey taken two years ago when the school’s dress code policy was established. “We had some really good responses, including some you wouldn’t expect to come from students,” Souza said. “The feedback was amazing.” Souza said making sure that students had input into the policy would help with enforcing it. “I want them to own it,” she said.
Souza told Delisle she was very impressed with her willingness to come forward with her concerns. “This (policy handbook) is a living document and something we need feedback on,” Souza said. “When something’s not working, we need to know.”
At the School Committee meeting later that evening, Sawabi and Souza updated the full committee on the meeting. Superintendent Mary-Elizabeth Beach said she felt that the issue could be handled by the junior/senior high school administration. She asked DiLeo and her administrative team to review and clarify the school’s policy on student displays of affection.